You're Not a Mess For Me

i get drunk to remember you and then i get drunk to forget you. there is no love in either state and i should put down the bottle and stay far far away from you. that girl with the guitar, the country one, she knew you were trouble when you walked in but i didn't ( well i did ) and i couldn't help but fall into your trap of comfort. but now im so uncomfortable, seriously uncomfortable. and there is no amount of drunk that could make me feel a little love because this funk is a distaste case of a mess and you are not a mess i want to get messy with. 

Fill Me With Poison, Instead of the Likes of You

Why have you yet to bow out?
And why have I continued to let you in. These are the sick and twisted thoughts bouncing inside my head. And why is my heart not such a sunken ship, there seems to be an ocean inside my lungs that just won't sit. A fire has blazed upon my cuffs and you seem to know to put them out. And when my feet are cold from weather and not from cowardliness you seem to bring the heat. And even though there are moments of hallmark and absolute sugar it's always drenched in some sort of green, this slime that I can never be free from, a mold that knows how to turn me. I hate that part of me. The person I become. They say feelings that come back are just feelings that never went away but I'm not sure because I go through you like Kool-Aid and I'm starting to get sick of myself no longer that sugar high that once craved my mouth. Fill me with poison instead of the likes of you.

Familiar Stars and Stripes

and there was nothing to remember, nothing more to remember, just the flag that blew up in flames.

i wasn't even there, countries away, i wasn't even inside myself - far off i felt like i was drowning.

there was so inclination of hope, of restitution. there was no such things - i'm starting to believe

these things never really were on a makeshift table, ready for people to sample to savour.

there is a different kind of feeling when it happens so far, yet with the means of today,

everything is happening much closer than they appear. the emotions are high in such times.

there is a seeping stench that is wafting from where terrible things happen, and i can see

the fire that burns and the pain that was caused even from my sky, where there are no

stars and there are no stripes, there is nature and colour blocks and eventually... a

not so safe place, because evil is in the air, and no where is safe, and slowly we're all

apart of such a horrible place, a televised horror and we're waiting for a familiar face.

Beneath the Moon I Find You

There was this beautiful moment I wanted to hold but my hands were to quick and it passed me. I willed the sun to stay down while I searched the night for it but the sun triumphed the moon and made a fool of me; out on the streets, covered in glitter - bare feet. I walked the sidewalk meeting people's eyes, hoping to catch the moment resting there. I searched the sky and didn't find it there, for the clouds were slumped everywhere. Soon the sun got tired and slipped off between the mountains, the moon came out and there I saw it, not the same but just as bright, you were there beneath the moon telling me to look no further, and we began creating things anew.

Clever Carets

She wore clever carets and had a lavish diet of airfare and fizz. She wore rabbit and never mink. There was a dislocated look to how she felt about paparazzi, but loved the word in itself. There was a different kind of peculiar to her and people tried to bottle it up and sell it for decades. It was unattainable. For her passion was inconsistent and her love was off the cuff. She derailed herself when falling in love and always lost herself to a stiff drink. Her voice melodic and loopy after a glass of wine. She looked her best with tainted lips and sleepy eyes, and her hair always looked better when she didn't try.

Signs from the Pots and Pans

Flowers, stretch towards the sun.
We, curl into each other.
The hum of the refrigerator is our orchestra tonight.
Laughter on the tube, on low.
The glow has become our makeshift fireplace.
The rise and fall of your chest, matches mine.
I am warmed by you.
I am cooled by you.
The neighbors are arguing.
The smash of their pots and pans highlighting our love.

The Hole in Your Sleeve, Keeps Me

Our coffee cups became empty but our hearts were full 
of all the stories we had just finished telling one another. 
And they punctuation of our stories were heightened by 
the flames that lit our cigarettes, and the hold on the sleeve 
of your collared shirt, allowed you to loop your thumb through. 
And it reminded me of how much closer I wanted to be. 
I wanted to curl up and stay in that hole, and feel the current 
in your veins, it would warm me. 
I didn't say any of that to you, I didn't want you to think I was a creep. 
But it wasn't until you mentioned the depth of my pockets and how 
you wouldn't mind just staying in there all day while I carried you with me. 
..i realized we were both weird and lovable and odd together..

Out of My Reality, a Literary Tragedy

This is chaos and you're not near. My body wilts like a rose trapped in snow. I think my heart has shattered. I cannot find one piece. The oceans swell is gentle but anchors pull my lungs. A storm lurks silently, I think I've lost my mind. I saw your face in the moon but the shine caused me to go momentarily blind. There was a stain on the fire hydrant outside my building, I hoped you'd gotten drunk and came to see me, left your mark. But it was my neighbors dalmatian. I like your spots, the one that nestle on your rib cage, I kissed them to connect the dots and then I'd sleep in your nook. Did I read about you in a book, you seem out of my reality, a literary tragedy.

The Act of Being Present

The spot on the wall you keep your eyes on because if you looked away, at any moment, you could completely crumble. The state of your company in their ever-present form.They make it matter, they matter to the making. We were thrown a problem, and trouble did not scare us. The world shook us altogether but we did not waiver. Sticking together and pulling through, there is a growing amount of compassion for the genorosity that I've experienced. If I haven't told you, you ought to know. I am thankful for the way you didn't let go, and even when it appeared like we had, in times like this - there aren't appropriate words just the act of being present and the act of time cascading over us altogether.

In Nature is Where You Will Reconnect

when places merge and you meet yourself among the grass where you didn't think to ever look, for that is what happens to the self. at times, it is too scared, of itself, to actually surrender and speak, often the self is speaking but the self isn't listening to that voice within, it is listening to the devil angel duo on their shoulders, for the outward bound voices are more intriguing, or simply just louder. there is a place, in nature, when that piece of you - the piece unheard, goes to rest. while there it wakes and is suddenly wondrous and adventurous and suddenly not so scared in their entire selfless self and there in nature is where you will reconnected with the pieces of you scattered in the fields and in the oceans and among the flowers waiting for you to notice yourself.

Time is a Postage Stamp

when the twang in someone's voice reminds you of other voices you've heard, and the light soon changes and you're searching for faces that could link to those voices but you know you'll never see them because they're long and gone. then those voices, in the seemingly quickened darkness become angry and you remember why you won't see the faces, and then you remember things have happened. things have come and things have gone. and you ask yourself why you didnt go either, why you chose to stay, and you don't recognize your own voice because you have know idea who you are for the time being.

Everything Looks Better On Fire

Landscapes burning and the buildings crumble to the ground. The fire rises into the sky with a force that swallows the sun. People fleeing with no where to go. No where suddenly becoming this landscape. Ash sprinkles the ground like a twist kind of a rain, the kind you cannot drink slowly but the kind that chokes you as it clings in between your teeth. And even from this far away, atop a soon to be dissolving mountain you can see the play dough mush of once certain things washing away into what you always feared and you will not hesitate with it's pieces but rebuild.

Rocky Coast of My Heart

jaded by the absent state of my mind I am no longer in charge of what I do. there is a face that appears in the smear of blood on the rocky coast of my heart and that face is mean, and that face is tired. I wear my pale eyes with darkness behind as if the sunglasses were created in the womb and coated with cells, the cells that puff up and down whenever my lungs decide to give my entire body a break from suffocation. the face in the roughness of my heart is much older than I appear because of it's butcher mentality - it is taken a beaten but does not render tender as you may think. the swells do not gain pleasure, do not give off passion. the pressures of this face, etched to my heart, is hardened with the experiences of the outside world. the barnacles of reality surviving off pain, there is no releasing such mutiny.

A Bulimic Idea of Keeping You Close

In a state of memorabilia I have a bulimic idea of keeping you close and purging every ounce of our togetherness. But may I state and for the record because if you don't record it there is no proof; you should keep all I've given you because it'll be cashable soon and I want to see you rise and fall. The bankruptcy of your truancy to me would be profoundly new but ultimately revolutionary. There is a different kind of treasure in a sea of dislocated feelings where telephones never ring for the lack of connection is evident. There is a deprivation of dialect that swells within the sheets of unmade beds and stained walls with all the odd shaped thoughts that keep reflecting wonderfully in my nightmares. Red lights flashing for me to stop but I'm coasting on a yellow looking to drown.

Full of It

Eyes full of secrets.
Hips full of magic tricks.
Heart full of sorrows.
House full of demons.
Bushes full of spies.

Closets full of skeletons.
Wallet full of credit.
Arms full of uppers.
Legs full of downers.
Radio full of messages.

Telephone full of bugs.
Phonebook full of old school tricks.
Ribs full of butterflies.
Stomach full of vodka.
Shoes full of rocks

Socks full of water.
Pockets full of change.
Mouth full of weapons.
Teeth full of stains.
Car full of misbehavior.

Trunk full of misdemeanors.
Wrist full of demerits.
Shoulder full of weight.
Knees full of shakes.
Hands full of tools to take away the pain.

Espresso Lips

the love brewed in cafes are fast and caffeinated and warmed by words and steam and there is always a frothy kind of idealistic to the kisses. there is also a delectable kind of whipped topping that goes with every blink and you can't help but want to roast in the admiration. it is fruitful and sensuous and the chattering is quiet at times and loud at others and there is always leaning, the leaning over tables and trying to speak directly into the lover's mouth as if their mocha words will respond better with the closeness of your espresso lips.

My Church is a Place Inside of You

My church was a place inside of you. I felt safe and willing to confess my stories. For they aren't sins when I am close to you but experiences. I feel you embrace my mistakes and take me in wholly and holy. You make me feel clean, even in my dirtiest moments. You rise me up. My church is a place inside of you. You have faith I can consume and I've become a believer in you as you have found strength in me. I attend your parish with intense remorse, I plead your pupils to sink my hardships and I  seek a different kind of fellowship. My church was a place inside of you. A kind of mentality I could conjure up while with you, a piece of peace that was good for me. I pray to you, to keep breathing, because without your breath I am at a loss, and I can no longer be lost because I am found within you, the church that resides within your body. I pray to keep you, I pray for residency in your temple, my intimacy. I crave your words. I crave your eternal light. I crave your touch and a place to gain strength. I pray for you to always be with me, and for me to always have the opportunity to be with you. My church is a place inside of you. I seek relief, for I am castaway searching for reverence in your speech.

My Teeth Don't Deceive Me

Grab me by my teeth because my eyes deceive me.
I cannot conjure up the actuality of you and therefore
I want the solidness of your togetherness against my lips.
Hover there, against my teeth and let the porous parts of me see.
A different kind of pupil within the lining of my gums.
A pale pink inside of a lying crystal blue, an envious green or even dirty brow.
My eyes have clouded over and are no longer windows to inside of me.
Unless I have become to empty that there is just nothing to see.
Grab me by my teeth and shake some sense inside me.
Just a case for all the thoughts that want to leak from my eyes.
Looking at people, all I see is reflections from the sky.
I fear the monsters might not be real and the people
I'm pushing away might want to be there.
I am here with lying eyes and teeth that want to bite something real.
My eyes have deceived me and now all I've got is my teeth.

Limp Ciggs, Corporate Life

Dislocated air.
Suspended in space.
Gaps between seconds,
not sure what to call them.
Butterflies in my face,
once caterpillars in my lungs.
I've lost my keys to my diary.
I am afraid of the thoughts I've placed there.
I pry it open with a kitchen knife-
cut my finger and watch it drip.
Throw the book of secrets into the trash.
Put the can on the curb.
Secrets better out than in. 
Saw the homeless man reading it intently.
Asked him what it was all about.
He told me if was about him.
Using the "I's" for himself.
Told me these feelings were from his 
corporate life- said he wouldn't go back.
I lit his limp cigarette and sat with him on
the curb for the rest of the night, listening to him quiver at our secretly shared experiences.

Adapting to the Resetting Clock

Your clock almost resetting.
A new landscape to tackle.
Same trees, same lovers.
New leaves, new weather.
You don't feel as if they tell you because you're only a couple of days, a few hours into this new place.
Enjoying the repetition of the new age. It seems to sit well in the new mildly coy introductions you are conjuring up over the drinks you surely will clink. Mutual toasts.
The fresh air isn't new but you adapt the "new car smell" to everything.
Because you can.
It's a day of life.
A day of retelling.
A day to remember and to experience.
 You recognize the change but don't feel it's affects.
You crave cold booze.
You crave good company.
You welcome in and wave goodbye,
as if a brand new you has arrived- rather bushy tailed and wild eyed.