Thursday, August 18, 2011
Colossal State of Confusion
The constant questioning of you, me, us, and them. The constant push and pull of doing what's right, but what is right and what is wrong. Are you happy? I can't tell, all I know is that your pulling on my heart strings here, and I wasn’t even sure I had any left. Stop making me so aware, hyper aware of what is going on, of what I want, because I know what I want I cannot have and what I have I'm trying to deal. I'm trying to make this easy, comfortable, but I was more comfortable before. Why are we pulling teeth, we aren't dentists and our truth does not lie in our teeth, it is in your heart and your head but they wont agree so your conscience is trying to punch them out, trying to make sense, but your are confusing me and confusing them and us and you and this is just a colossal state of confusion that I wasn't invited too, but I arrived on time with ample words to pry into things I thought I wanted to know, no, the things I still want to know but you will not tell me them because you don’t know just as much as I don’t know and my wants settle, they accept but then you come around and they burst and they are questioned and tempted and this temptation is causing me a heart attack, please don’t hurt me. Make up your mind, your like a joker in the deck of cards, so out of place, but perfectly placed and get to come and go as you please, with being missed to not being noticed but when you choose to be noticed your noticed and it's affecting, effecting, bubbling all around. A violent fight of words and feelings, nothing physical, but I want to be physical with you. I'm no longer fearing these things that have expanded within me, because I understand where they are coming from, and they are out of my control, sign the paper, send you back, write off - exhaust, what is happening here. What do you want? Can I ask you again. What do you want and whom is this all for because your destroying everything in your path while on your victory lap of making everything right, put up a fight, a battle for your wants, because I can no longer tell you about mine, it is all wasted time. Won't you waste time with me. Your time and mine. I'm a billionaire on the clock and I want to spend it all on you, but your actions and words don’t walk the walk and your nothing but talk and your changing your mind with the movement of the sun, and your pushing me away while trying to get close, and your ships are all mixed match your playing this game that doesn’t appeal to me.. A game I wasn’t prepared for and teetered with joining, and now I've some how wound up in it and I can't I can't I tell myself easily, but then your around and I'm doing everything wrong, a conflicted conflict that I want to be evicted from. A simple grade school tactic, with the yes and the no and the boxes for silent x's that mark exact moments in a pivotal time.. Is this pivotal for you yet?