Monday, May 16, 2011

I'm Evaporating

I'm going to be benched. I can feel it in the way your swaying. I'm going to be benched and there is nothing I can do about it. I can be typical; start to sweat it now. We could begin the argument, the one I know I'll lose but you'll know this already and you'll know the way I am so I won't stop and I'll put up a good fight. The gloves are on, the gloves are off but it doesn't matter because I'm going to put up a monster of a fight because I care or because I don’t want to be eliminated from your slate but I will be. Over time you I will be over killed and we will fight, but I will be benched. The transformation for you will be easy I think, not that I'm deeming you as insensitive or something, however it'll fit perfectly. Knock me down a couple of pegs and not replace me, because I cant give you that much credit and I cant begin to compare myself to that because I will be benched not erased, but close enough. I am evaporating. I'm going to be nothing but a watermark on the back of your relationship. I'm being selfish, I can feel it in fingernails that I am trying to grasp something that I cant. I should be selfless, try and let you go, become something new, a different part of me should move on, and forever you should remain a memory, a stranger, a passerby on a rainy day and ill take more notice to your umbrella than your face because I wont want to rehatch things, I don’t want to be dragged back to the bench because that’s where I will have always been since that moment of realization, a moment you decided. A decision made. And I should accept it. Why am I trying to give the ring around for myself, to better, myself, no. It will still hurt, it won't matter I'll be benched. Ill be pissed and sad and angry and Ill hate you. Secretly Ill still adore you, creep your life, catch glimpses of it here and there so I can stay under the radar. I;; have this waterfall of emotions and every cash along the rocks will result in a brand new approach. Crash - Anger. Crash - Sad. Crash - Content. I'll forget to forget you, and remember to forget you when I've already realized I'm remembering you again. I'm being forgotten, nothing but a picture at the bottom of your box of memories. I'm evaporating, and without these words it wouldn’t be a problem, but soon you won't even notice.

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